just keeping it real

Full disclosure: I take depression medication.

My approach to this blog has never really exuded direction/thematic clarity, but I will say that I’m conscious of keeping things fairly light. I’m in my own head enough, and it’s good practice for me to focus on the good of life like Henry, friendship, or (obviously) food. I also assume that you, as the reader, are very probably not looking for heavy reading material on the travails of a 28 year-old, when your life has plenty of its own.

But I wonder sometimes about blogging/bloggers. We all get to put our best online foot forward. I show you adventures, and parties, and days at the beach. I pick my best photos, from my better moments. This whole veil I can so perfectly pull leads people to say things to me like, “You guys always look like you’re having so much fun!” or “I just want your life!”

Okay, people. While these things are my reality, they’re only part of it.

So a bit of honesty regarding that which is much easier to keep private- I went three days without taking my medication (unintentional) last weekend, and two days ago, I hit a wall. Hard. Things like getting dressed (or moving) felt massively difficult.

It’s irritating because I know it’s circumstantial and will pass, but knowing that doesn’t help the dramatic immobility.

Honestly though, things could be so much worse. I mean, Allison who just returned to Africa already has malaria (so sorry, friend).

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8 thoughts on “just keeping it real

  1. You are not alone Holly. I just had the same thing happen to me yesterday. Just a hard long day, why? I didn’t feel like setting up meds…that seemed too hard to do, yet it would have helped the depression if I would have just taken the meds! Vicious, unrelenting symtoms that prevent you from doing the very thing that would have helped.

  2. Holly,
    I did something similar a while back and wow, did I go in the tank for a couple of days. I was thankful that it didn’t last too long, but it was pretty awful. I pray you’ll be feeling better soon! Miss you guys- you need to come up here soon- it’s really amazing!

  3. Thanks for sharing, Holly. I am definitely one of those people who say, “Wow – their life looks perfect! I want her life!” How crazy is that – that I didn’t know I felt it until you said it! God loves a transparent heart. You are awesome! Keep on being yourself! Miss you!

  4. I wish more people would quit with the bullshit, and just be themselves (like you are being here). The more this happens, the more we let our guards down and are just real, the more we’d see that we have a lot more common with others than we sometimes think. This is the unbelievable paradox: we hide because we’re afraid we’re not normal, only to discover that the only not normal thing is about how so many of us hide behind what we’re so ashamed to admit. That sounds loopy but it’s really just a long way of saying, ‘we’re all depressed and deal with depression…’ so why don’t we ever talk about it more? Thanks for the post.

  5. It’s ok, I hit walls like that too, girl. Not on meds now, but I took anti-anxiety meds for quite a long time. And I’ll be back on the depression meds as soon as this bun in my oven is born – I had severe post-partum depression with Krew. You’re definitely not alone, and there are so many people out there who appreciate your honesty and share in your struggles. :) Depression is SO hard to deal with…I know firsthand now…so take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get back on track.

  6. Holly,
    After meeting you under the extreme circumstances of Nate’s illness, I can only imagine the inner struggles you have had to face. I do so love to see your blog and the adventures you two are taking together, but more importantly I love the way you two have overcome so much and take each day as a gift from God. I am NOT usually a blog follower. But, I stop in from time to time to check on the adventures of Nate and Holly and to smile at the amazing relationship that I got to see firsthand. We all have our inner demons to fight, but its your true heart and the way you put it on “paper” that envelops us all. You aren’t afraid to look at yourselves and analyze your faults. I for one admire you for your honesty, not your lifestyle.. LOL Take care of yourself and let yourself have a bad day every now and then. You’ve earned it.

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