Last night was not my finest moment.  I don’t want to make excuses for my bad attitude and poor behavior, but it was just one of those moments.  A lot of pressures building up and something that seemed completely insignificant–a place to put my shoes in our tiny apartment– suddenly became massively important and frustrating and reason for me to have a horribly emotional reaction (that did not match the situation).

Even as I was reacting I was aware of all the reasons I didn’t need to be (the fact that we had a roof over our heads at all and somewhere to escape the *very* cold night that it was) but the awareness made me even more mad.  Probably because it made me feel guilty, which wasn’t an emotion that made me feel better.

But like I said, there’s a convergence of pressures piling on as of late and I’m sorting through how to manage them in a healthy way.  I mean, life is good.  We live in a great city, my husband is healthy, I’m about to be an aunt, I’m able to be a Fuller student and am learning A LOT, and my life is filled with great people.  My existential restlessness is at an all-time minimum and I have a great hobby that pays for itself.  Perspective isn’t too hard to maintain, it’s just those moments…where I lose it for a second (or an hour) and forget that it’s one day at a time.

Allison text me yesterday and just wrote: “one day at a time…today.  be in today.”

Thanks for that, Al.


5 thoughts on “today

  1. We all have days where human needs outweigh everything we know is right. I spent a very restless day today trying not to yell at my children because I was irritated. In the end, I just left my daughters preschool graduation, reminded of my blessings. Sometimes we have to take a deep breath and ask God to shine his light a little brighter today.

  2. Hum……. have a feeling I will be having those same thoughts when we move into Grandma’s place :) Sure hope your “bigger, new apartment” lies on the horizon soon especially with Hillary arriving next Saturday. Hang in there & keep concentrating on those blessings. It’s also great to write them down. Was reading through my blessing book two nights ago…….clear back from 1997! Haven’t kept up with it & sure wish I had! God is good! Love you, mom

  3. Yes yes, we are all allowed to have human moments from time to time! It’s weird how the most trivial things lead to explosions when we are under stress! It happens to the best of us! Hang in there :)

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